Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Hiring a big-time copywriter

Hiring. Copywriters. Not what you think. It's a different kind of copywriting. And a different kind of pay. The pay is, well let's say the pay is surprising. But can you do it? You write good. But are you write good enough for POWERIZE!?

Here, we take the "copy" part of copywriting seriously. That's right hacks, copy and pasting from the internet is the first fucking tool in the copywriter's toolbook. Because no one reads beyond the headline, why write original content beyond it?
  • Can you think of yourself as a monkey chained to a typewriter?
  • As an uncredited cog when the work works?
  • As a fully-blamed wrench when it doesn't?
  • Does the opportunity to work with C. Thomas Howell make your clit twitter?
  • Do you like drinking?
  • Can you imagine telling your friends you write for Burger King, when you really write for Hardee's?
  • Can you take the excitement of revising ten words on a web banner forty times?
  • Can you handle the thrill of writing a e-blast? That promises to share a substantial part of the inheritance of a Nigerian Prince?
If we had you at C. Thomas Howell, then you're on your way. Send your cover letter and resume to POWERIZE! today.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Here is a complete waste of time

Quick, move on.

Why are you wasting your time reading this? Are you just so curious you need to? Haven't you got anything better to do? Please, stop reading. I'm begging you. There is no punchline, there is no ending. This, just like your life, is a pointless, protracted pile of drivel. Look at you. Just reading one boring sentence after another, all the while your life slips away. Sands through the hourglass, and you just keep on reading. I cannot believe you are still reading this. I told you there is nothing here. Nothing. By continuing to read this you are voluntarily surrendering seconds of the short time you have on Earth for nothing. Time is precious -- and here you go, frittering it away, reading on hopefully, anticipating some small shred of value, some lesson to take away. I wish there were, even an shred of value here for your investment of time. There isn't. No pot of gold, no lesson, no nothing.
Now it has to be faith, some blind faith in one man's respect for another telling you that this isn't a futile journey, but that faith is poorly held. You have no reason to keep reading. Yet here you are, trudging through sentence after sentence, grasping for meaning. Your lips are moving as you sound out the words. Those of you that are still reading are dim, stubborn souls.
This is chapter one of a million chapter book of you wasting your life. Weeee! Behold the reader! Staring numbly at a computer screen. What the hell else is going on in your life where you have enough time to pour into reading nonsensical internet diatribes? The entire canon of literature lies dormant, just waiting to enrich your life, but not you, you're on the internet. Weeee! Here come more words! I'm really glad you've made it this far, give yourself a gold star in futility. Waiting for a point. Wading through print. Maybe you feel up to the challenge of reading this through. Let me dispel you of that misapprehension. It isn't challenging to read this. It is challenging to improve yourself, that's not happening here. If you feel like there is a lesson in all this, there isn't. You've wasted time, and with each word you're shoveling more of your life into the past. But, hey you were warned. You can't say you weren't warned.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Mega-Millionaire Money Syndicate™

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Tired of toiling at a job you hate, when you could be making millions working from home? And watching Ellen in your underwear? And blog? All while making thousands of dollars a week with just a computer?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it may be time to reflect on your expectations in life. Or it may be time to join the Powerize!
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Friday, January 8, 2010

Earn your Social Media Certificate in hours not years!

Finding the right Social Media program may seem more difficult than dividing by zero, with the memorization and examinations. The tuition and lengthy admissions process. Are you like millions of people who would love to be Social Media Certified, but just can't seem to find the time or money?


POWERIZE! is proud to offer a comprehensive 2-Hour Social Media Certification Program. This immersion podcast seminar will allow you to join the Social Media elite with the pomposity to distinguish themselves as Social Media Gurus in their bios. In today’s competitive job market, a resume without Social Media Certification is a fucking disgrace.

Choose from any of POWERIZE’s internationally-recognized Social Media Degrees programs:

Social Media Expert, Social Media Marketing Expert, Social Media Consultant, Social Media Guru, Social Media Druid, Social Media Transcriptionist, and many more!

Join the ranks of privileged and influential users with Social Media Certification. POWERIZE! will only offer this Social Media Certification Program for a limited time.

So, don’t wait, sign up and earn your Social Media Certificate today.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Ten Predictions for Advertising in 2010

1. Augmented Reality campaigns see furious growth with the launch of the “Preparation H Experience”.
2. Copywriters will opt to reposition themselves as alphabetic user experience specialists.
3. Privacy concerns will heighten as Google reminds you that you’re low on toilet paper.
4. Art directors will continue to produce beautiful work. Clients will continue to disfigure it.
5. Freelancers get a boost as the tide comes in on skeleton crew agencies.
6. In game advertisements will begin to detract from the gaming experience with the release of Call of Duty: The Money You Could be Saving by Switching to Geico.
7. LinkedIn and Facebook integration will lead to mass awkwardness in the workplace.
8. The industry’s downward spiral will end as clients increase their ad spend by 0.0012%.
9. The message will once again be just the message, and the medium will now be pamphlets.
10. Broadcast TV Networks will no longer provide “free” content and will now only be seen through store windows.