Friday, July 31, 2009

POWERIZE. The in-your-face agency.

In this highly saturated media landscape, it’s possible your message is overlooked, unheard. At Powerize, we identify the best ways to reach your audience. To excite them, to engage them. To sit down on their couches and eat danishes with them. To put your message in their bathwater,in their fortune cookies, to shout it through bullhorns pointed into their port-a-potty vents.


We are full of ideas. Like branding butter knives with your logo, breaking into homes, and switching out all of America’s butter knives with your butter knives. Soon, what’s America talking about? You. This is our proprietary Newbrandification™ process. The butter knife thing. Or we could lose the butter knives and just t.p. houses. Or we could identify key influencers homes and set them on fire. Little fires. And guess whose logos are on the firetrucks when they arrive? That’s a memorable connection.

You’re asking: What about engagement? Yes, we do that too. What does every person in America want to be engaged in? We’ve done the research. Coloring. All kinds of coloring books.

A b2b guerrilla campaign where we dress up like gorillas and go into businesses. About 10 of us. With giant rubber stamps. Guess what gets branded with your company’s logo? Fucking everything. Walls, people wearing white shirts, paper, all the shit we can get into. This might seem obnoxious, but after the security situation cools down, they are gonna sit down and say: “wow, now those guys are bringing the message.” I will personally Newbrandify your company to the company you want to work with. Get serious. You want to feel the fucking fury?

Our digital team is raw. We got a guy who creates pop-up ads that will never go away. Seriously, you need to get a whole new computer. Our web banner guy is a certified hypnotist. He’ll take anybody susceptible to hypnosis off the fence.

This is just a smattering of the stuff we do. Our direct mail pieces hit harder than Ted Kaczinsky’s. Our style is impetuous, our defense is impregnable. Call today for a quote. Actually email’s probably better. Email for a quote right now.
Have you made the call? I mean email.

Your brand is getting duller by the minute.

1 comment:

  1. OMG, I'm dying right now. I was a bit horrified at first (sorry!) but the humor slowly sunk in. Guess I'm a bit slow on the uptake today. Congrats on some of the oddest humor I've seen online - Monty Python should be calling soon, I'm sure of it...